Plus Size and Trying To Conceive (TTC)

As someone that is not ignorant to the fact that they are plus size, my weight doesn’t usually bother me. I don’t obsess about the fact that I’m “fat” or “thick.” In my mind if you don’t like the way I look, that’s your problem. I could care less what anyone thinks about me or my body. They don’t know my journey or my struggles so I just put my middle fingers in the air and go about my day.

I’m not saying I promote an unhealthy lifestyle. I’m not saying that at all. I’m also aware of the fact that I need to be healthier, and I have recently put in more effort to achieve that goal. However, I do want to talk to all my thick ladies out there that are worried about their weight.

Fat people get pregnant.

Yep. It happens every day. And guess what? Most of them have healthy pregnancies and healthy deliveries. Actually, you may even have a HEALTHIER pregnancy then someone of a “normal” (is there such thing?) size.ย  Your doctor will most likely be monitoring your weight very closely. Usually when you are plus size, the doctors don’t want you to gain more than 15 lbs. However, every body and pregnancy is different. And I have an empty uterus so what do I know? (Sarcasm guys..)

But I didn’t write this blog about being plus size and pregnant. There are many books and articles out there to give you the information you need. I’m writing about what it’s like to be plus size and trying to conceive. (TTC) Honestly,ย  it’s not that different. What’s different is the comments, looks, etc that are unwanted.

“Do you think if you lost weight you would get pregnant?”

“Have you tried losing weight?”

“Aren’t you worried about getting bigger?”

 

Here’s the thing, the perception society has placed on the female body is a load of BS. It’s true, you SHOULD be healthy and you should try your best to be the healthiest you can be. However, you should also learn to love yourself as you are.ย  If you continue to hate yourself, shame yourself, and put conditions on yourself you are never going to be happy. Period.

Josh and I decided to take a break from fertility treatments to focus on my health. Losing weight is a personal choice, but I’m not doing it to get pregnant. I’m doing it for my mental health.ย  I am perfectly content getting pregnant at the weight I currently am. I’m learning that loving myself is the most important thing about the infertility journey. It’s not about your weight, because a number doesn’t define who you are.ย  Learn to love yourself because there is only one of you.

finfertility

XOXO Kat

 

You’re Allowed to be Sad

I have found that in the infertility community, people can be NASTY. Not nasty in a gross way, but nasty in a mean and hateful way. There is this unspoken bar that is set that the longer someone else is infertile, the less validated you are in your sadness. I found this out when I joined a PCOS support group. One sweet woman shared that she had been trying for 6 months and recently was diagnosed with PCOS. Obviously she was sad and wanted support to prepare herself for the journey in front of her. Unfortunately, someone took this opportunity to shame her. The woman that was shaming stated that she hadn’t been trying long enough to experience real pain. “I’ve been trying for 3 years. You have no idea how it feels.”

Ok…..

I had a lot of feelings towards this post and eventually just left the group. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the first time I had seen something like that in an infertility forum/group. I have seen this on facebook pages, instagram pages, blogs, etc. I was so upset that someone took this opportunity to have, what my father would call, a “pissing contest.”At least that’s how it seemed.

Here’s the thing. Infertility SUCKS. It just does. It doesn’t matter how long you have been trying. It doesn’t matter if you just found out 5 minutes ago. When you hear those words, it’s devastating. Something inside you breaks. Something you didn’t know existed shatters. When I was diagnosed, my doctor acted like it wasn’t a big deal but I felt like I was having an out of body experience. My world seemed to slow.

“It will be difficult for you to get pregnant.” Who wants to hear that at 25?! No one.

I’m going to tell you something that you won’t see on your facebook “support groups.”

You’re allowed to be sad.

You’re allowed to grieve

You’re allowed to be angry

In fact, you should feel these emotions. Really feel them. Let yourself feel so that you can begin the healing process. I’m still feeling these myself, but I’m not sorry about it and you shouldn’t either. It took me awhile to get rid of what I call “infertility guilt.” Infertility is hard. It’s like having another full time job. But you don’t have to cut off your emotions because of it. I highly recommend talking to a therapist when you are diagnosed with any kind of reproductive issue. In the long run, it will improve your mental health and overall mood.ย  And as always, I’m here if you need a friend. ๐Ÿ™‚

xo Kat