Why We Won’t “Just Adopt.”

I first want to disclaim that I think adoption is one of the most beautiful things ever. EVER. I have friends and family that have been blessed with adoption and it truly is remarkable. However, I cannot stand the phrase “just adopt.” It makes my blood boil.  First, if you think about asking the question “why don’t you just adopt?” Please know that I have been asked that questions 100000000000000000000000000000 times and frankly, it doesn’t need to be asked.

When someone asks “why don’t you just adopt?” It makes the adoption process seem like a last resort. It makes it seem not special. It also makes it seem like it’s the end all be all cure for our struggle.

Wrong.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Adoption doesn’t cure infertility. SHOCKER! It doesn’t cure the pain, the struggle, the heartache, or the grief.  Adoption is not a band-aid that you can just put over your life to make it better. It’s honestly insulting that people think that way. Adoption is a serious decision. It’s also not any of your business. Chances are, the couple you are asking has thought about it a million times. They probably think about it 24/7.

I want to make it very clear that adoption has NEVER been off the table for Josh and I. I also want to make it clear that there is nothing wrong with wanting to have your own biological child. There is nothing wrong with wanting to experience the feeling of a baby growing inside you. NOTHING WRONG. There is also nothing wrong with wanting to adopt your entire family. How you choose to create your family is between you and your partner. So no, we won’t “just adopt.” We will create our family the way we want. If we decide to adopt, it will not be “just because.” It will not be to mask our struggle. It will be because we decide to take that leap. Infertility sucks no matter which way you slice it and starting a family will be difficult. Whether we decide to continue with treatments or adopt a child into our home, it’s a struggle that we have been given and will not be void of pain or heartache.  Period. There is no cure. It’s going to be hard. But it’s something we are willing to do because we want to be parents. However we decide to be.

 

Future parents right here 🙂

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