The phrase that I hate more than any phrase that has ever existed is “when the timing is right, it will happen.”
GAAAHHHHHH!! Excuse me whilst I bang my head on my desk and scream a furious war cry.
I will admit that I used this phrase quite often during my early twenties. Josh and I married young and people always wanted to know when we were going to start our family. With every question I would smile sweetly and respond “when the time is right, it will happen.” Unfortunately, I didn’t realize just how ignorant this statement was. Please don’t take offense. I know that you mean well when you say this to someone. The point of my blog and these posts is to bring awareness to infertility and the subjects surrounding it. This includes how we think, act, and speak towards woman and their reproductive health.
I hate this statement because it insinuates that woman that, are infertile, are lacking in their judgement for “timing.” I KNOW what you are thinking. “That’s not what I mean!!!” I know you don’t. But the point of this post is for you to be more cognizant of what you are saying to your friends or family members that are struggling to conceive.
Josh and I were confident that we would not start trying until “the timing was right.” I remember specifically when we decided that it was, in our minds, the right time to start trying. We were sitting in an Indian restaurant talking about our New Year’s resolutions. We knew without a doubt that it was right. We could feel it. There was no doubt in our minds that it was our time to become parents. And yet here we are a year later, still childless and trying to come to terms with the fact that if it had taken us the normal amount of time to conceive, we would have a baby right now.
This statement also insinuates that the woman is not prepared enough. The harsh reality friends is that there is no right time, and you will never be prepared enough. Is there really a right time for any big change in life such as marriage or the birth of a child? I truly don’t believe so. You can never be completely prepared for these things. For goodness sakes there are 16 year old girls out there having babies that are definitely not prepared. But because I’m 26 and infertile, it’s not the right time? Being infertile does not mean the time is not right. Being infertile means that you were dealt a shitty hand. Being infertile means that you may be 100% “ready” but your body doesn’t work correctly.
It is not your fault. It is not “God’s” fault. It is not timing. It is just happens and it’s unfair.
So when your friend or family member is upset and venting, instead of saying “when the timing is right it will happen” tell them that you love them and you are there for them. Tell them that no matter how broken they are feeling, they are beautiful and worthy. Being compassionate is the best gift you can give to someone that is struggling to conceive.