Tuesday, Josh and I met with a fertility specialist. We have been trying for a year and are officially categorized as “infertile.” This doesn’t mean that we will never be able to have children, it just means we can’t do it the “good ole’ fashioned way” or how they teach you when you’re in 8th grade and laughing at the plastic diagrams of vaginas. Nope this means we will have the blessing of modern medicine aiding our baby making process. This isn’t really news but it’s still jarring when reality hits you in the face.
Exciting stuff right?
I’m sharing this because it’s a huge stepping stone in our infertility journey. I don’t usually give updates on our journey, but I feel it is important to share my experience so that it may one day help someone else.
I was anxious all morning, and honestly a little defeated. It has been a year since we started trying and I felt shafted by the care I received from my regular OB. She didn’t do a lot of tests or monitoring that she should have and I walked into the specialist’s office feeling like this past year had been a huge waste. I sat in my new doctor’s office and felt numb. Here I was about to listen to the same song and dance that I had a year ago. I was angry, annoyed, and tired. When I had spoken on the phone with the nurse a month before, she warned me that we would be starting from scratch. However, I wasn’t prepared for the anger I would feel when I walked into the office. There were pregnant women EVERYWHERE! They were smiling and crying with joy and I was jealous. I sat there reeling in jealousy and feeling broken. I thought for sure there was a huge sign over my head that read “I’M INFERTILE DON’T LOOK AT ME!” At that moment, Josh grabbed my hand and smiled. I instantly felt calm and remembered that I didn’t know these women and what their journey was like. What if the woman crying about her baby girl had been trying for 10 years? I had no idea. I realized I was being selfish. At the moment the doctor walked into the room and gave me the biggest smile. She was the kindest woman. She asked questions gently, and genuinely wanted to educate both me and Josh on the things we were unsure of. She took the extra time to explain things to us and the best part? She actually cared. I didn’t feel like just a patient. I felt that she genuinely wanted to help us get pregnant. She even told us so. 🙂
I next met with the infertility nurse after an hour and a half of questions. PS….if you ever need to see a specialist, be prepared to answer A LOT of questions. And if you are shy about your body….you better be prepared to give up the shyness. The nurse was also the kindest nurse I had ever met. She patted my arm and said she was there to take care of me and that I would be a mother and that she would be there the entire time. I teared up. I had never met a medical professional that was so kind. In the same breath she told me I would be getting a shot of progesterone in my butt. That took me by surprise but wasn’t as painful as I thought. I was grateful because the progesterone pills always made me sick to my stomach. As awkward as it was, the nurse was kind and kept reassuring me that it would be worth it. She showed me pictures of the babies she helped deliver and even pictures of her own children. It gave me hope. And more importantly it made me believe in my body again. Josh and I left the office feeling so positive. We are excited for what the next year will bring us whether it be naturally or through adoption. We are just grateful for the gift of modern medicine.
To all you ladies out there I have put together a list of tips for you to survive your first appointment to the specialist.
- Create a “Badass Woman” Playlist to listen to that day. Of course, my playlist was all Beyonce Songs starting with “Run The World (Girls).” Play songs that will make you feel empowered. It will give you a more positive attitude about the day.
- Give yourself time to process the information afterward. Don’t go back to work right away if you don’t have to. You are going to have so much information thrown at you. Take time to breathe, be with your partner, and digest.
- Have ice cream in the freezer for later. Whether it’s the fatigue from hormones or just the emotions of the day…a tub of ice cream will hit the spot that night once you have had time to process.
- Don’t feel like you have to remember everything. The nurses and doctors will be on call for you if you have any questions. They will also give you packets, reading material, and instructions.
- LOVE YOURSELF! Remember that this is not your fault. Do yoga, meditate, read a book, or binge watch tv. Spend that day treating yourself. You deserve it. And remember….you will have a family one day. 🙂